Your relationship with your mum and dad evolves over time. For the first part of your life, they’re the caregivers. For the second part of your life, the relationship is more like a friendship. And for the third part of your life, the roles are reversed, and they need you to provide care and support. We’ve simplified it a little, but that’s the general outline. In their twilight years, your parents are likely to need you, even if they don’t ask you outright. Taking a proactive approach is essential for helping them to live life to the fullest. 

Sometimes, the best gift we can give someone is simply being there. Due to various factors, it’s normal for older people to spend less time socialising than they did during the main part of their adult life. In some instances, this withdrawal can become severe. More than one million older people say they go more than a month without speaking to a friend or family member. Loneliness isn’t something that people usually admit to, even to their family members. Being a presence, without being asked, is essential for reminding your parents that they’re never alone.

As children, our impulse is to give as much as we can to our parents. But the truth is, that’s not always realistic. Even if we wanted to give as much help and support as we could, our jobs, children, and other responsibilities mean it’s not always possible. To avoid feelings of guilt, it’s recommended to simply acknowledge that there’s only so much you can give, and then work on finding solutions. Maybe you could organise a schedule with your siblings, or hire a home care agency to provide daily care. Ultimately, the best solution is one that elevates your parents' happiness and your own. 

It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that we know what’s best for our parents. Yet they don’t always see it that way — and in the end, it’s their view about how they should live their life that’s most important of all. You can support your parents by occasionally setting aside your own thoughts and feelings, and instead simply listening to what they have to say. This approach won’t just lead to better outcomes, but can also significantly reduce tensions and arguments. 

Many conversations about supporting aging parents revolve around making sure that their basic needs are met. But life is about more than basic needs; it should be about happiness. Even if they’re no longer in their prime, that doesn’t mean they’ve lost the capacity to have fun — it just means they might need a little cajoling. Organising mood-boosting walks in the outdoors, encouraging them to engage in light exercise, and having quality family meals in restaurants will all help them to truly enjoy life — and after all they’ve given you, that’s just what they deserve.